When I started on this journey of spiritual self-development, I read every book I could get my hands on. Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, David Hawkins, Bruce Lipton, Denise Duffield Thomas, Anita Moorjani, Carolyn Myss, Louise Hay, Carol Look were but a few of the authors, speakers and coaches whose content I devoured.

Though these teachers have different messages, niches and points of view; one theme I saw consistently was the notion that when you begin to shift your vibration and improve your life, there are those who may not take kindly to it.

I had read stories others wrote about this friend or that friend abandoning them after they made changes and started enjoying some success in their life.

Some stories involve getting negative feedback or criticism when you put yourself out there in the public eye or to family and friends.

No matter who it involves, the story is that this is a normal part of the process and we should embrace it and even see it as a sign of success!

This is all well and good as a theory. When it actually happened to me, it was a different story.

It all started when I took my power back, or so I thought. I never thought of myself as someone who gave my power away. After I learned the ways you can give your power away, I recognized a pattern that I had never seen before.

When I say I took my power back, let be very specific so we are all clear on what this looked like:

I started refraining from taking a position in conversations with friends and family.

I stopped agreeing with people just to make them like me.

I stopped validating others’ perception of their own victimhood.

I did not allow family members to verbally bully me anymore.

I gently and firmly insisted on being respected.

I started paying attention to my own life more than others.

I allowed myself to feel happy even when the family was feeling miserable.

I started loving myself.

And here’s the biggest one…….. (the pattern)


Now, this did not happen overnight, but apparently, it was a big enough shift that some people noticed it right away…and did not like it.

I had family members accuse me of not caring anymore.

I had friends tell me I was rude.

Someone even told me I was the devil……. (true story).

Now, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with these people. They were only reacting to what seemed to threaten their own ego and beliefs about themselves, me and the world.

They were used to me behaving in many different ways and it did not fit into their comfort zone.

Did it hurt? Yep.

Did I get angry? For a little while.

Did I let it go? I had to.

Did I apologize? Absolutely not.

You see, everything I had been learning taught me to understand their behaviour was not about me. They were projecting their own fears and limitations onto me.

We all do this as it is human nature.

The key is how we respond to these kinds of situations.

Don’t let it distract you from your path.

Surround yourself with people who do support you.

Find a mentor who you want to be more like and hang out with them and people like them as much as possible.

Resist the urge to feed that old vibration of victimhood.

“Poor me, my family hates me.”

This will not get you where you want to go. Empower yourself to go beyond your family and friends limitations. Understand that only from a position of peace and empowerment can you truly help them.

They may not want your help and you have to be okay with that.

The bravest thing you can do it refuse to agree with a story someone tells you that makes them the victim and everyone else wrong and bad.

Take it from me, you’ll feel better in the end when you’re free from that drama.

So I congratulated myself (as recommended by self-development gurus) for pissing off my friends and family and guess what?

It actually felt pretty good. I’m not mad or hurt anymore and that’s better for me.

Some of them still talk to me and some of them don’t. That was their choice and I respect it.

What matters is that I cared enough about myself to do what makes me happy.

What about you?

Niko Ana

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